VER THE WEEKEND I received the following urgent instructions from Captain Rollo: “To a mason jar of bourbon, add bacon grease. Refrigerate for 1-2 days. Move to freezer. Remove congealed grease. Consume.” He explained that he had received this gnosis from “a guy I met tailgating at the Carolina-Duke football game,” and added, “I tasted his. It was good without being amazing. Mine’s in the fridge.” I’m not sure I approve of adulterating good bourbon that way—there are some things you can ruin with bacon grease—so I’ll take mine the old-fashioned way and raise a glass and a ’Stone to a true and truly sloppy American hero.
Happy Veterans Day, Rollo—and thanks for making it through a war without learning any lessons about temperance, self-control, or sound judgment. America salutes you and your bacon-flavored alcohol.
